2.12.2023

Dear Diary,

     It took me quite long to come to you.You see, I was still digesting my day from yesterday. Now, I am ready to regurgitate and pin every ethreal feeling into solid words and document my memoir in the art expression of e'criture(writing) and preserve it in this form of communication, the internet.

    I wanted to feel every bit of love that I received since yesterday. I usually am not that selfish and I let it slip away as the fast pace of time snatches away my ability to enjoy fully each joyful moment that life offers me but not on my birthday. In each moment I was truly present yesterday and every memory is being processed and revisited so that my heart can nourish itself and my brain can absorb it all and feed the memories to the strong tree called "Love from family and true friends who became your family." You see, I have many trees in my garden (brain). The work life tree, the curious for knowledge tree, the spiritual tree and so on.

    I was actually struck with a flash of a boat today in my brain vision. In my boat, were my parents, my sister, my friends whom I call as family: Tommy, Dodo, Baiko, Bhopra khilane vali, Purple, Habibi. There's also Meh, Champa, 007, 327, sunflower, firefly. (Secrecy for nazar purposes, don't worry I don't keep spies lol). All of these people are with me on this boat, boarded and going with me on this journey of life that I have embarked. I ride the boat, and they trust me enough to be with me on this boat. Besides, they enjoy being with me on this boat! They chose to be with me! I am so greatful for such beautiful passengers. Thankyou, truly. In turn, these people too have their own boats, and I am a passenger in their boat. I enjoy being in their boats as well! Transfer learning made me relate this vision with Quantum physics. You see, I and my friends together on the boat make us seem like a wave, but we also have our own boats so we also behave like particles. I don't want to say more than I need to here, I would like whoever reads this to explain themselves to arrive at their own enlightment.But we are united, all of us have someone on our boats. Life is supposed to be lived in the company of people, some embark and disembark. Some loot it,try to destroy it, which is good because it makes me smart and the boat stronger. Oh God, the analogies are now overflowing and  I think I will write an entire post on boats!

(One last analogy haha or you can skip it: What is my boat like? What does it look like? What amenities does it have? What can you do on my boat?

My boat is a reed boat. It is natural than handmade. Raw than finesse. Open than closed. It's big enough to fit a crew, but not a fleet of passengers. Sails and not engines. You can do anything on my boat. No seats, you can sit on the rails, stand with me, dance, do whatever comes natural to you. No arranged activities, no planned parties, sorry! Should we call it a spontaneous cruise?)

PC: Pinterest

    So yes, yesterday was my birthday! I left my boat and swam alone across the water for awhile for quenching my explorative left eye. My left eye is the one that always has a far vision, a big philosophy and an open spirit. It has thus a black patch over it. I went to lands unexplored, unseen by anyone who was on my boat. I treaded alone, putting down the details of the lands that I would take my crew to if they agree one day. First, I like to see the place on my own, alone. They know it by now, they have even seen where I swim off to, they had an idea which kind of a place I could have gone, they can actually find me even if I get lost. As Bhopra vali said, " There are people who care for you." I realize they have accepted me for who I am and it just makes me feel so warm and cozy to belong with them. There is a solid trust in our friendship, that secures this strong bond. (wait, did the person who invented the word friend "ship" also thought of this same analogy? Damn. Awkward moment)

     I was greatful for the weather yesterday. Have you heard about a heart full? I had my heart full with the love they showered on me yesterday.(And the God's gift) .Some executed it, some put in efforts. It was a 100 to me anyway. It was wholesome and healthy and tasty and yummy and deicious and heavenly and..............serendipity(My eyes are closed, my face is glowing with the smile I have on my face and I just can't give enough thanks and return the love that you all gave me yesterday. So I told my sister, sometimes.....in times like these you just accept the love with open arms. I accept your love with a hug. I ask for your love with a hug. How powerful is that......!)

      So yes, my birthday cake was like this. I felt love in every handshake, smile and hugs yesterday( everyday actually, but I truly truly took my time to feel it fully and register every moment thoroughly with a slow pace for my special day, hope you try it in atleast one of your days too...going slow and feeling more!)

     But there was and still is an essence of desire to my cake. A wish I want fulfilled. A promise. A seat left empty. 

Priya